


Knife

by Stephanie_says1972



Category: Pet Shop Boys
Genre: 80s, Angst, M/M, Mentions of Sex, just a bit sad really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:22:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29889351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stephanie_says1972/pseuds/Stephanie_says1972
Summary: Set in the 80s-90s this is about Chris’ and Neils relationship from the start of the pet shop boys through to the late 90s and how they dealt with love, loss and success
Relationships: Chris Lowe/ Peter Andreas, Chris Lowe/Neil Tennant
Kudos: 6





	1. To understand that heaven could be any place at all

**Author's Note:**

> Title and chapters are named after knife by Aztec camera

It all ended in 1985 we’d just had our first no1 hit and Chris lied limp next to me after one of our passion filled nights.  
“Do ye think the pet shop boys would work if we dated?” He asked drawing circles onto my chest and I looked at him with confusion.  
“Well we are so what’s the problem?”  
I replied looking at him but he wouldn’t meet my eye and just stared down.  
“I just mean if we carry on how we are it might not work because we could fall out or something.”  
“But we never do,so what’s the problem?”  
I replied and my voice shook, this couldn’t be happening I couldn’t bare it.  
“I love ye Neil I really do but-“  
“But what?” I interrupted him as tears started falling from my eyes.  
“This isn’t easy for me neb but we can’t do this, relationships and music have never gone together well and I don’t want to lose you or what we’ve got.”  
“Why are you doing this now?”   
I asked my voice shaking from my crying.  
“Please don’t cry nebs I’m sorry.”  
He reached up and wiped the tears from my eyes and kissed my cheek and then my lips.  
“Why are you doing this to me Chris?” I asked as I started calming down.  
“I just think it’s the right thing to do I’m not saying this is for forever but just at the moment because I don’t want to ruin it before it all begins.”  
“I- I understand.” I lied because I still wanted him in my life but I loved him so much and this was my worst nightmare coming true.  
“I can’t just forget about this and about us because this is everything to me you and me. I’m sorry I’m rambling but I just can’t let go of this Chris because I love you, with my entire heart I do.” I cut myself off because I started crying again and Chris wrapped his arms around me and pulled him close to him and kissed the top of my head.  
“I’m sorry babe.” He mumbled into my hair.  
“I really love you I’m so sorry that I had to do this.”

And just like that it was over. And I found myself empty without him I still ask myself why he did that to me.


	2. And expect to feel the ocean, it’s just a notion

Then suddenly it was 1987 and those two years went by like a flash really. We’d gotten huge success with our albums and it felt like we were on top of the world.Chris and I did what any person would do if you had all that publicly and money: we went out and partied most nights and had sex with any gorgeous young man that gave an interest in us, well not Chris so much in those days because he had started dating someone. His name was Peter Andreas and he was perfect for Chris he was good looking, he loved music and as Chris loved to tell me every chance he got he was a great shag as well.  
I wasn’t that jealous, why should I be? It had been two years since Chris and I broke up so why shouldn’t he date people.  
It still hurt me when I saw them together Chris would walk around with his arm round Pete’s waist as if to say “wow look at us we’re in love and we’re happy!” I’d always tried to look away when I saw it because it reminded me of how he would hold me and how we were in love, but not now!   
Most nights I wanted to go over there and scream at Chris and tell him that he knew what he was doing to me and it was torture. Tell him that he still loved me (he must do) and that he only had his precious Pete so that we wouldn’t end up together again. I never did though so it just stayed the same for ages until one night.  
We had finished a gig in Spain in 1988 and we were at the bar and it was only me and Chris because Pete couldn’t come. We started talking as we normally do and   
Chris made a comment and then looked at me with that look in his eye, a look that I knew too well. We ended up going back to the hotel and I invited Chris into my room for another drink.   
Now I shouldn’t have done that looking back at it because he was with Pete and I should’ve got him to cheat on his boyfriend like that, but it was Chris.   
He kissed me, I don’t know if it was to shut me up because I was rambling about something. Probably to do with Russian history because I loved to do that.   
He rested his hands on my waist and I knew I’d not be able to kick him out. He felt so bloody good. So we ended up having sex in my hotel bed and it was the best shag I’d had in years.   
In the morning I woke up to Chris quickly putting his clothes back on and I looked at him confused.  
“Where are you going?” I asked sleepily.  
“This didn’t happen ok, I should’ve done that to you or to Pete so let’s just forget it happened.” He said staring at the ground nervously.  
“Is this what you do? You fuck someone then you run off in the morning?” I asked getting annoyed.  
“I’m sorry.” That’s all he said and then ran out of the room and I ended up staring at the ceiling and thinking to myself, what the fuck was I doing? He wasn’t mine anymore so I just needed to move on.   
But it wasn’t that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chris did date someone called Peter Andreas from the 80s until the mind 90s and they lived with each other for 5 years as well

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so this was pretty sad but it gets better... eventuality


End file.
